


Wind Flower

by tuffhufflepuff



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - After College/University, Alternate Universe - Professors, F/F, Inspired by Music, Song: Ghost of You (5 Seconds of Summer), Teaching, Was originally about ghost of you, but I listened to wind flower on repeat, wind flower the soty we never had
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-12 08:34:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29132634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tuffhufflepuff/pseuds/tuffhufflepuff
Summary: It’s been a year. Everyone is worried about Jihyo. Jihyo can tell from the stares she’s received ever since she entered the office today. She can tell by the way they treat her like some fragile piece of art from a museum, as if she’s going to break any moment. Everyone is grieving. It just so happens Jihyo has it the worst.
Relationships: Park Jisoo | Jihyo/Yoo Jeongyeon
Comments: 5
Kudos: 29





	Wind Flower

**Author's Note:**

> This was meant to be a gift fic for dania on twt bc shes the first jeonghyo stan who i became friends with. So this is long overdue. However, now that Jeongie is back and it's Jihyo's birthday, i decided to post it. Also this is rlly rushed so ill prob edit it soon uwu. 
> 
> Im famceelmao on twitter uwu follow me

It’s been a year.

365 days since Jihyo was last seen smiling. Although technically speaking, she had been seen smiling here and there, but the smile never quite reached her eyes. There was always something missing in how she usually smiled over the course of a year. The light in her eyes was still there, yes, but it was much dimmer that originally had been.

Everyone knew not to pester her about it. She’d rather distract herself with the task of finishing her job or helping others with their own work than talk about why the light inside her eyes was faded and darker than it was before.

  
  


Jihyo had woken up at 5:00 am. It was now 6 o’clock and Jihyo was still staring at the ceiling. Her phone produced a series of tones to alert her of this. She sat still for just a few more minutes before getting up. She didn’t notice that what she felt like “just a few more minutes” was actually almost half an hour. It was past rush hour and the traffic was going to be hell to go through.

Jihyo entered the campus in a big jacket that didn’t quite match with the overall vibe of the outfit underneath it, not that it had much of a vibe going on in the first place. Instead of one of her more corporate looking attires that her university students were used to seeing, she was wearing a knitted jumper. It was in a dull light green color, with flecks of yellow dancing across the clothing due to the type of yarn used to make it. It was paired with gray sweatpants that clearly haven’t been ironed out.

Today was starting off quite roughly for Jihyo and she hasn’t even gotten the day fully started yet.

Entering her office, she passes by her friend Sana. Sana always had been bright and cheery and would greet Jihyo enthusiastically every time she would enter the office in the morning. She would also hand Jihyo a cup of coffee, something Jihyo was always thankful for. 

Today was different. As she passed by Sana, Jihyo saw that the girl was on her computer and already slaving away as she worked on another presentation for a lecture that was due for her class in a week. It was an unusual sight. Usually Sana chatted and lounged for the whole morning until someone (usually Jihyo) tells her to actually do her job. 

Sana looked up as she noticed Jihyo pass and gave the younger girl a small smile. That smile that always seemed to be paired with Sana’s sparkling eyes, today, it didn’t quite reach her eyes either. Jihyo mirrored her expression before moving on.

As she reached her respective table, she felt stares piercing through the back of her head. Stopping at her chair, she glanced around her. Her instincts were right. Nayeon, her colleague and closest friend here at work was staring at her worriedly. She wasn’t the only one, of course. Jihyo noticed six other girls, one of which was Sana, all looking at her with at least some worry in their eyes. Jihyo felt suffocated by their stares, and in an attempt to ease their worry, Jihyo flashed them a small smile.

She settled down onto her office chair before taking a deep breath. She was thankful her hair wasn’t unruly, seeing as she put it in a bun. She was grateful she grew it out long. She wouldn’t want to think about trying to tame the short blonde hair she had last year. It was the only thing that seemed to look neat in the mess that was this day.

Opening her laptop, she noticed a small white coffee cup at the far right side of her desk with a sticky note attached to it. 

_ “Don’t be too hard on yourself today, Jihyoling.” _

The note tugged at Jihyo’s heart. She doesn’t deserve these girls.

That day, everyone took care of Jihyo.

Nayeon walked her to every class she had today. Tzuyu, her lecture assistant in one of her bigger classes, deflected any questions that had been directed at Jihyo’s current attire and obvious dishevelled trains of thought during the lesson. She was thankful for Tzuyu’s effort and couldn’t blame the students, anyway, they were simply curious. Momo, Sana, and Mina made sure to accompany Jihyo during lunchtime because Nayeon had class that period. Dahyun and Chaeyoung made sure to sit with her at the library while providing silent company. Jihyo was grateful. She felt a bit overwhelmed by the consistent presence of someone else throughout the day, but she honestly doesn’t mind. She knows they’re all just worried about her and she’d rather be smothered with attention than left alone, because she truthfully isn’t certain about what would happen after work, when she’s actually all by herself. Just the thought of it scares her.

“Jihyo.” This was the first time Sana said her name today. 

It was 5:00 pm. The place Jihyo was staying at was a 20-minute drive from the campus. She was getting ready to leave when Sana called out to her.

Jihyo hummed in acknowledgement. She turned to look at Sana. Sana’s eyes held the same worry they had that morning. This time, her eyes were softer and she had a caring glance that made Jihyo want to break then and there.

“Just give me a call if you need anything, alright?” Sana responded endearingly. She moved closer towards Jihyo and reached out to grab her hand. Jihyo let her. Sana caressed the back of her hand carefully, afraid something might happen if she pressed or squeezed too hard.

Jihyo looked down at their joined hands. They were silent for a moment before Jihyo gave Sana a small nod. Sana gave her hand a squeeze before letting go and saying “bye.”

Jihyo felt surprised at the sudden emptiness and balled the fist that Sana held before wiggling it slightly.

On her way out to the parking area of the campus when she heard the sound of heels shuffling towards her direction.

“‘Hyo, wait for me,” the older girl called out. Nayeon was carrying at least 5 bags from what Jihyo could tell.

“Ah, Nayeon-unnie. Why do you have so much stuff?” Jihyo asked, approaching Nayeon to help her with her cargo.

“These are all the 3D model kits for my Chemistry 16 lecture. Not my fault they’re bulky as hell,” Nayeon replied, appreciative of the help Jihyo had to offer. She handed three of her bags to Jihyo, and although it wasn’t nearly half as much as what Nayeon was carrying in total, it was enough to prevent Nayeon from shuffling across the campus parking lot and shredding her heels in the process.

When they both were in front of Nayeon’s car, which was conveniently beside Jihyo’s own car, Nayeon fumbled a little before successfully getting the car doors unlocked. They finished putting Nayeon’s belongings in her trunk and Nayeon thanked her.

“It’s no problem, Nabongs,” Jihyo replied with a small smile. She looked at Nayeon.Then, there it was again. Nayeon was giving her the same damn look. Jihyo’s sick of it at this point. Although in the end, she never really seemed to want to argue with them about it.

“What is it?” Jihyo inquired despite already knowing the answer.

“Are you really sure you don’t need anyone to accompany you tonight?” Nayeon asked tentatively, her voice cautious. 

“Nay, we talked about this. I’m gonna be fine,” Jihyo insisted, feeling more tired as a familiar feeling settled in her stomach. Even Jihyo knew that what she said was a lie. She wasn’t going to be fine in any way soon. She knew this. Nayeon was a kind girl. Jihyo didn’t deserve this kind of treatment.

“Are you really  _ really  _ sure? You can stay at my place for tonight as well if you want,” Nayeon insisted. She knew nothing good ever came out of Jihyo when she was left alone when she was upset. Nayeon knew this because of the countless occasions that a drunk Jihyo called her up at 3 am because she couldn’t drive and she couldn’t get home on her own.

“What difference would that make? I’m going home after that either way,” Jihyo answered, her voice slightly raising.

“Ji, you can’t keep doing this to yourself,” Nayeon said with an exasperated sigh. Her tone became a bit more sombre, “She was my friend, too, you know.”

Jihyo had enough. 

“You think I don’t know that?” Jihyo shouted, loud enough that it echoed in the nearly empty parking lot. Jihyo shook her head in disbelief. “I’m sorry I don’t accept things as quickly as you do. I am  _ grieving _ , Nayeon.”

“So am I!” Nayeon argued, tears pricking at her eyes. “We all are, Ji,” she continued, her voice cracking towards the end.

“But you know, we can make things easier if we go through it together. We always have, Ji,” Nayeon remarked, about to reach out closer to Jihyo, tears already in her eyes.

“Maybe that’s how it is for you,” Jihyo rebutted. “I’m sorry I don’t handle things the way you do. For just a little bit of time, I would like to be alone.”

That was a big terrible lie. She hates being alone. The apartment feels so cold when it’s just her. She was going to be a wreck. She just didn’t want Nayeon to see her in that state.

“‘Hyo, please just promise me you won’t do anything stupid,” Nayeon pleaded. She couldn’t bear to lose Jihyo, too.

  
  


Jihyo sighed, calming herself down. “I won’t, I promise.” This time, it was Jihyo who reached out to Nayeon’s hand and took it, rubbing it endearingly to try and calm the now crying Nayeon.

“You should calm down. You won’t be able to drive properly with tears in your eyes,” Jihyo said as she pulled out her own handkerchief to wipe her best friend’s eyes.

“Promise me you’ll call if something goes wrong?” Nayeon managed to say through sniffs.

“I swear,” Jihyo promises.

“Alright. Drive safe, Jihyo.”

"You too, Nayeon."

Jihyo gets in her car and a lump forms in her throat, much quicker than she’d originally expected it to. Her eyes sting and that was her cue to get back home as soon as possible. She was going to cause a car crash if she broke down in the middle of her drive.

\---------

“Now what is a fashionista like you doing all the way here in the most nerdy place one could be in the university?”

Jihyo looked up from her desk. She had just finished furnishing her new workplace. It was her first actual day in-campus.

Her eyes met with ones that mirrored hers, a pretty color of brown, warm and inviting. They were mesmerizing, yes, but one full up-and-down sweep l at the figure in front of her made her aware of such an obvious feature. What was most striking was the person's hair. It was a light shade of blue, nearly neon under the fluorescent light of the room. It was such a bold color. The person had her arms folded on top of the cubicle's edge, her head resting above them.

"I would come up with a comeback, but I'm honestly not in the right state of mind. Your hair's really cool by the way," Jihyo said, not stopping herself from speaking her mind. She quickly realized this and her eyes widened and in an attempt to avoid further embarrassment, she lowered her head.

"Ah, sorry." Jihyo apologized.

A soft chuckle rang out and Jihyo looked back up. The person in front of her was a lady that looked just about her age, nearly a foot taller than her. She was wearing a soft blue polo shirt with white stripes. If Jihyo hadn't restrained herself, she would've also blurted out that this girl looked like a living and breathing Tumblr moodboard.

"That's fine. I like your hair, too, if that's any consolation," the lady before her replied.

Jihyo replayed the scenario in her head before realizing the girl basically complimented her. Jihyo let a smirk on her face.

"You think I have good fashion sense?" Jihyo asked teasingly.

"Yeah, I seem to have an eye for well-dressed people, which also seems to come with an ability to spot good-looking people," the other girl answered, obviously meaning for it to be a joke. Jihyo did get the joke, but it somehow made Jihyo's face feel a bit warm, the smirk turning into a shy smile.

"Wow, I am honored," Jihyo replied sarcastically in an attempt to brush off the warm feeling in her cheeks. The girl laughed again. Jihyo laughed with her this time.

"Yoo Jeongyeon," the girl with blue hair said, offering a hand to shake. "You can call me Jeongyeon."

"Park Jihyo," Jihyo replied. "Weird question but, how old are you?" 

Again, feeling embarrassed that she asked such an imposing question, she looked down.

"I'm 26."

At that reply Jihyo's face perked up. "Me too!" A wide grin spread across her face, showing off her gummy smile. Jeongyeon smiled at her too. Her eyes almost disappeared when she did. Jihyo found that very cute. Jeongyeon didn't need to know that, of course.

"I didn't expect to find someone my age here. I was the only one in my batch from my old college who wanted to work. They all told me that this place was just for old saps who loved their job more than the money," Jihyo explained in one breath and Jeongyeon was impressed.

"Woah, slow down there," the older girl goaded. "You're gonna suffocate if you don't breathe in while you talk."

The younger girl giggled. Jeongyeon smiled again.

"I guess your old schoolmates might be kind of correct on the part that this place is for people who love their job more than their salary, but that doesn't necessarily mean it has to be old saps," Jeongyeon argued. She gestured to herself then to Jihyo. "Sometimes there are young saps too. Look at us." 

Jihyo formed a face of confusion and mock disgust at the same time. This made Jeongyeon laugh really hard. The sound of the occasional dolphin-like squeal ringing through Jihyo's ears. Strange how something she'd expect to be annoyed the hell out of was like music to her ears.

"You are insufferable," Jihyo prodded, wanting to sound insulting, but Jeongyeon's laugh made her crack up in the middle of her sentence, joining the older girl in her fit of laughter.

By the time they both calmed down, Jeongyeon was clutching her abdomen.

"Okay so," Jeongyeon coughed to clear her throat and to shake off the urge to continue laughing, "what are you teaching?"

"Physics 12 and 13," Jihyo replied, rubbing the side of her cheek. It was hurting because she hadn't smiled this much in so long.

Jeongyeon's eyes widened at her answer. "Oh my gosh, a 26 year old Physics professor in this university? Unheard of!"

"Yeah, HR was surprised to hear what subject I was applying for as well," Jihyo said, an amused but prideful look on her face. "Apparently I'm the youngest employee to apply for a Physics teaching position. I'm guessing you're some sort of Math major then?"

"Nah, not really. I do Chem 12 and 14," Jeongyeon replied with a wink.

Jihyo sighed in pretend relief. "Ah, thank heavens you aren't math. I thought I'd spend the rest of my first year with a friend who talks about nothing but the best graphing calculators," Jihyo joked.

Jeongyeon was staring at her endearingly now. She was quiet and didn't laugh like she did with Jihyo's previous attempts at joking. Jihyo didn't know what else to do so she just stared back at her. 

It was strange, their banter. It was as if Jihyo had known Jeongyeon for years. Hard to believe that they met not even 10 minutes ago.

"You called me your friend," Jeongyeon spoke after a while, a sweet smile that threatened to melt Jihyo into a puddle painted itself across her face.

Jihyo immediately rushed to apologize. "Oh, yeah, right, sorry."

Jihyo fiddled with her fingers, awaiting Jeongyeon's response.

She was surprised to feel Jeongyeon take her hand in hers, a new but familiar feeling settling in her stomach. "You don't need to say sorry. I'd love to be your friend."

Jihyo smiled at that and squeezed Jeongyeon's hand.

\--------

The air surrounding Jihyo seemed to grow much thicker as she swallowed the lump that was growing in her throat.

She was walking slowly, careful to not move too fast because she was afraid that something might break if she did. She didn't know why she was so afraid like this. She was only trying to get to her apartment floor.

She finally reaches the elevator. Her apartment was on the 4th floor of the complex. She entered the lift and pressed the respective button. She immediately tipped her head and leaned her whole body onto the wall of the metal box.

She just couldn’t wait to have this day over.

-

“We’re having a party tonight, Ji, wanna come?” Nayeon asked, walking next to Jihyo, and she almost considered it. It was a Friday night, after all.

“Can’t. As much as I love Dahyun and Chaeyoung’s parties, I have things that need to be done,” JIhyo replied promptly, tugging at the bag that hung from her shoulder out of habit.

Nayeon sighed at her friend’s rejection of her invitation. She really wanted Jihyo to join them again. Ever since she started her masters, she was really busy and couldn’t join the occasional party Dahyun and Chaeyoung would prepare. Plus, university finals were coming up and everyone was rushing to mark papers and distribute tentative grades. She racked her brains on thoughts on what to do to make her come with and her face perked up when she finally had an idea.

“Jeongyeon’s coming!” Nayeon desperately shouted. She wasn’t actually sure if Jeongyeon was coming or not.

This made Jihyo stop in her tracks and look at Nayeon with an unbothered face. She thought it was foolish of Nayeon to even go that far, Nayeon knew Jihyo was a smart woman. Still, she thought it wouldn’t hurt to play along with the lie. “She’s going to the party?”

“Yeah! At least she said she would. Who knows? That woman’s so spontaneous sometimes.”

Jihyo could hear the lies seep through and she shrugged, resuming her walk. “Well, then she’s going to the party. I’m not.”

Nayeon’s face fell upon hearing the younger girl’s reaction. Feeling more desperate as they got closer towards their cars, Nayeon dived for the opportunity. “Gosh please, Jihyo. It's Jeongyeon we're talking about. Don't you basically have a crush on her or something?”

This made Jihyo stop once more, which was convenient for her since they were already at their cars. Nayeon had a pout, anticipating Jihyo’s reaction.

There had been something going on between Jihyo and Jeongyeon. Everyone in their department could see it. The stares they give one another each time they pass by, the seemingly never-ending banter they have in the mornings, their obvious silence throughout the day when one of them is absent or on a leave, touches that would otherwise bother the both of them if it were a different person, and the way they seem to be in their own little world, full of inside jokes and unspoken words, whenever they are with other people.

“I think I do. I like Jeongyeon a lot, actually,” Jihyo confessed, not shying away from the topic. Nayeon saw how her eyes lit up as she thought about the other girl. Nayeon was shell-shocked. She didn’t expect Jihyo to actually confirm her suspicions.

“Oh,” was all Nayeon could say.

“I’m still not coming,” Jihyo said and quickly got into her own car before Nayeon could say another word.

“Ya! Jihyo, why are you like this?” Nayeon exclaimed in frustration, watching her car drive out of the parking lot.

Jihyo passed by a convenience store to buy two microwavable meals. When she arrived at her apartment, she immediately opened the meals and put both of them into the microwave she received as a Christmas bonus. It’s been nearly a year since she started teaching and so far, it’s been a good ride. Aside from Jeongyeon, she made friends with Nayeon, who, much like Jeongyeon, was a Chemistry professor, and Jihyo also learned that she was a part-time interior designer and was very amazed when she first step foot into Nayeon's home.

While fond memories of the past year flooded her senses, she readied two plates and emptied the carton meals onto them. She sat down on the table and took her phone out, waiting.

It was a few minutes past 7 when she heard knocking on her door.

A smile spread across Jihyo's face when her mind processed the sounds that came from her door and she quickly stood up. She walked towards her door with delight, a skip in her step that wasn't usually there.

She heard knocking again and Jihyo giggled. "I'm coming!"

Jihyo opened her door and was greeted by a Jeongyeon in what looked like very comfortable clothes. She looked so cute. She was basically wearing pajamas but it also borderlined on something she could wear on a walk in the park. Her hair was now long past her shoulders, taking the shade of a warm dark brown, much like her eyes.

"You took ages to get to the door," Jeongyeon complained with a teasing smile.

Jihyo smiled back at her. "You arrived 8 minutes past the time you set," she teased back.

Jeongyeon didn't back down. "I bought us some snacks! Did you really think I would suggest to do a movie night without contributing to the food?" the older girl defended, showing off the paper bags she held in her arms.

Jihyo laughed and pushed the door wider to let Jeongyeon in. "I have snacks in my pantry," she argued.

To this, Jeongyeon shrugged. "Well, the more the merrier." Jihyo wanted to smack her head.

Jihyo and Jeongyeon went to the kitchen where Jihyo's table was situated and Jeongyeon dropped the paper bags she was holding onto the table.

"I got you your favorite. I think it's a bit cold now, though," Jihyo said, referring to the two plates of reheated bibimbap.

Jeongyeon gave her a disbelieving stare before looking at the plates Jihyo readied. She smiled when she saw what it was. “Oooo, reheated convenience store quality bibimbap? You know me so well," Jeongyeon remarked in amusement.

"Too well, now, actually," Jihyo nudged her with her shoulder.

Jeongyeon rolled her eyes, moving away from Jihyo to settle at a chair. "We've only known each other for barely a year, don't get ahead of yourself, Park." 

Jihyo snorted in response, "Whatever  _ yoo  _ say, Yoo." Jeongyeon was almost tempted to pull at the girl’s feet and off her chair.

The two girls settled into light chatter as they ate their meal. When they had nothing else to talk about, they fell into a comfortable silence as they enjoyed one another's presence. They've been doing this for nearly a year now. Jihyo likes to think this was something Jeongyeon did with each person that enters her life, but with the constant touches and insistence of wanting to be near one another as much as they can, she thinks it might not be something everyone Jeongyeon befriends experiences.

The silence and the stares they occasionally throw at one another, sometimes teasing and other times endearing with a hint of something else, engulfs them as they fall into routine. It gives Jihyo time to think. Jeongyeon always knew when Jihyo was in deep thought. The way her eyebrows would furrow and her obvious lack of focus on her task at hand (in this case, Jihyo had stopped eating and instead played with the little food left on her plate as her mind wandered) gave her away.

Jeongyeon took a deep breath before asking, "What's up?"

Jeongyeon's question made Jihyo snap back to reality.

"Nothing, it's just, I'm kinda tired," Jihyo offered as an excuse, stretching her arms and bending her slightly aching back backward until she heard a crack, just for effect. "I can just imagine myself staring off into nothingness in a party while Nayeon goes ahead and has her fun tonight. Yeah, I don't think I would've enjoyed it."

Jeongyeon looked at her with a teasing smile. She had her head atop her right hand while her left was tapping softly against the table. "Nayeon invited you to Dubchaeng's party tonight?"

Jihyo nodded in response and placed her head on top of both her left and right palms while her elbows supported her.

"Yeah, I really don't think I would've enjoyed it as much," Jihyo repeated herself. There was something else along with how she said it, though. She sounded like she was trying to make Jeongyeon catch onto something, like a secret.

Jeongyeon of course caught on just fine, slightly flustered at Jihyo's not-so-subtle attempt at flirting at the girl. Jeongyeon was used to this. They teased and flirted quite often. It was always something that was weirdly natural to them.

"Of course you wouldn't have enjoyed it as much. I wouldn't be there and you would miss out on this," she gestured to everything that was generally around her, "very fancy dinner date with  _ me _ ."

Jihyo rolled her eyes, although secretly very much glad Jeongyeon caught onto her feeble attempt to flirt at a time like this. She let out another snort, "Funny, now that you mentioned it. Nayeon said you were coming to said party."

Jeongyeon laughed at this, "For real?"

Jihyo shrugged with a smile, "Yeah, she just went up to me, invited me, said I didn't wanna go, then she chased me down in the parking lot saying you're coming, taunted me, even."

Jeongyeon's high-pitched dolphin-like laugh filled the room and Jihyo found herself looking endearingly at the girl. She missed hearing it, seeing as they were barely able to talk in the comfort of a non-business setting anymore due to the approaching scheduled activities and exams, plus Jihyo's masters. Checking essays and worksheets all while trying to keep up with her own studies before the students' finals were going to be hell, which was going to be heavy since she and Jeongyeon were both teachers of particularly taxing subjects in the research department.

So, Dahyun and Chaeyoung planning a party wasn't all bad. It was sort of a temporary "last hoorah" before everyone started grinding and working non-stop.

"Wow, that woman is desperate. Using me as bait? Harsh, I'm slightly offended," Jeongyeon scoffed, shoving a spoonful of food into her mouth, a bit of sauce smearing the edge of her lips.

Jihyo, falling into the archetypal cliche, went ahead of herself, her actions not registering with her mind soon enough. She moved towards Jeongyeon, daintily reaching out and wiped the sauce off with her thumb before pulling back and wiping her thumb at the side of her plate. Jeongyeon froze, eyes widening, but only slightly. She looked at Jihyo who was avoiding her stare.

"Umm, she also asked me something," Jihyo added, looking down at the spot on her plate where she wiped off the sauce from her thumb.  _ Is she really going to do this right now?  _ Yes. She really was. 

"Nayeon was so desperate, she asked me if I had some sort of crush on you or something," Jihyo said, trying her best to sound nonchalant. She could feel the heat creeping up to her neck and looked up back at Jeongyeon. Jeongyeon was the one who avoided her eyes this time.

Feelings were never secret between them. They knew they'd go to the ends of the earth for one another. At least, in a platonic sense. In a normal setting, they'd brush it off, leave it to just teasing. However, their current setting was much more warm, less formal, and more intimate. Jeongyeon was in Jihyo's house, seated at a table, having dinner with her. No one else was with them at this moment, just them. 

They were very much aware of the longer-than-normal friendly stares they throw one another across the room when the other isn't looking, or thinks the other doesn't notice, of the touches that aren't usually shared and between people who were 'just friends', and of the most secret little bits and pieces of themselves they share on the phone at 3 am when either one of them couldn't sleep and decides to call the other.

They were well aware of the remarks thrown about in the office, all being chalked up as jokes but there was always bound to be some truth to it. 

They both know very much about it. They never really talk about it.

"And?" Jeongyeon urged after nearly a minute of silence. Jihyo was staring back down at the same spot on her plate again before Jeongyeon called out and their eyes finally met.

"Do you?"

Jihyo bit the inside of her cheek. She tried searching Jeongyeon's eyes for any sign of any mischief or teasing. She was slightly smirking, but it wasn't laced with her usual want for playful banter. Jeongyeon's eyes conveyed an emotion of curiosity, much like a childs, and along with it, want. A sense of need.

That was all it took before Jihyo nodded and spoke breathily, "I really really like you, Jeongyeon-ah."

Jeongyeon smiled, excitement rushing to her eyes as they were nearly closed due to her bright smile. She quickly stood up and, forgetting to put on her footwear which she wore loosely the whole time they consumed their dinner, ran barefoot into the direction of Jihyo's bedroom. 

Jihyo was left alone for a while, unsure of what to do. She didn't feel bad, it seems Jeongyeon was happy at her confession, and although most of Nayeon's words today were out of desperation to invite Jihyo to DubChaeng's party, she was right about one thing: Jeongyeon was a spontaneous woman. So she wasn't surprised when Jeongyeon had come back into their dining area, holding Jihyo's old bluetooth speaker that miraculously still worked. 

Jihyo stared at her, already used to the older woman's spontaneity, just waiting to see what she had up her sleeve this time. Jeongyeon faced her momentarily as she turned to get her phone from the dining table, giving her one of the brightest smiles Jihyo had ever seen Jeongyeon do. She quickly turned back around and busied herself with turning the speaker on and connecting her smartphone device to it. A little sound effect emitted from the speaker, indicating a successful connection and what followed after it was a familiar tune.

"Wind flower? Really?" Jihyo remarked as the older girl set her phone down at the table and turned towards Jihyo. Jeongyeon held out both of her hands out for Jihyo to take, "Dance with me, Jihyo-yah."

"It's a sad song!" Jihyo said pouting but standing up to take both of Jeongyeon's hands with her own, nonetheless. 

"Yeah, but you jam to it in the office like it's some party song like it's Put Your Hands Up by 2pm or something," Jeongyeon rolled her eyes as she pulled Jihyo nearer to a spacier area.

Jihyo scoffed at her, "stalker." Jeongyeon laughed but then quickly retorted, "the music is literally leaking from your headset. I'm across the room from you and I can hear every single word MAMAMOO sings clearly."

Jihyo shook her head as she let herself be pulled into Jeongyeon's hold. Jeongyeon led Jihyo's hands onto her shoulders and around her neck then Jeongyeon let her own hands slide around Jihyo's waist. Their height difference made it so Jihyo only had to tilt her head up slightly just so their stares could meet. When they did, they both felt embarrassed at first, both their faces feeling the rush of warmth from them being so close to one another.

The music aided their eventual comfort with one another's stares and they both swayed to the song's rhythm, albeit a bit slower. This went on until Jihyo felt tired bending her neck up and she settled with laying her head sideways in the crook of Jeongyeon's neck. Jeongyeon took this as her cue to comfortably settle her cheek against Jihyo's forehead. This wasn't the first time they were in this position. They had been in a similar position one night that Jeongyeon came over to accompany Jihyo in bed after a call at midnight, signalling that she had woken up from a nightmare. The difference was that they were standing now, and not lying comfortably on a bed.

" _ I really like you, too, Jihyo-yah _ ."

\---------

Jihyo's eyes watered as those words echoed in her mind much like a shout thrown in a cave. She was seated on the floor now, her back against the wall, a half-empty cardboard box of convenience store bibimbap that was reheated a few hours prior to now sitting just beside her thigh. She had her right leg extended while one was bent, her knee close to her chest and supporting one of her arms as it hung, loosely holding a bottle of gin in hand.

Music emitted from her beaten up bluetooth speaker, a scratchy sound coming out once in a while. 

Her living room was a mess. Papers, photographs, pillows, pens, clothes, and an assorted frenzy of other materials were strewn about. Several other bottles littered Jihyo's side, all ranging from wine, to soju, to beer, and finally bottles similar to what she had held in her hand right now.

Jihyo was staring blankly at the wall opposite her. Tears were still fresh on her face, feeling both so cold and so warm at the same time. She was waiting for something. She didn't know what. 

-

"I think I love you," Jihyo had blurted out one evening. She had her head on Jeongyeon's shoulder. They were both comfortably seated at Jeongyeon's small couch, relishing in one another's company and watching the television absentmindedly.

Jeongyeon turned her head towards Jihyo. For a moment, Jihyo thought she might say something tender to Jihyo's confession, but Jihyo knew better. So she wasn't at all surprised when Jeongyeon scoffed and put her hand over Jihyo's shoulders and pulled her closer, "you think?"

Jihyo rolled her eyes and sunk deeper into Jeongyeon's warmth, "Yeah."

  
  


Jeongyeon smiled and looked at Jihyo who just stared back. Jeongyeon swore Jihyo's eyes were twinkling when they were trained on her like that.

Jeongyeon hummed and bent her head down, her lips meeting with Jihyo's forehead. 

"I love you. And I don't just think it," Jeongyeon stated, continuing to hug Jihyo tight, afraid that if she would let go, her girlfriend would disappear from the face of the earth.

They were both silent again, momentarily distracted by the program displayed on Jeongyeon's television. Jihyo was playing with the hem of Jeongyeon shirt while Jeongyeon had a lock of Jihyo's hair in fingers, twirling it absentmindedly.

Jihyo was thinking again. Jeongyeon noticed. The older girl sighed, moving her hands to take Jihyo's away from her shirt and held them in hers. She looked at the younger girl with tender eyes before speaking, "You know, you don't have to say it if you aren't ready."

Jihyo immediately shook her head and pulled Jeongyeon closer to her so she could press a chaste kiss on the older girl's lips.

"I am. I just was unsure of how you'd react," Jihyo said, taking her hands out of Jeongyeon's, switching them so she now held Jeongyeon's hands in hers, her thumb gliding over the backs of her palms, massaging them.

There was something so pure about that moment. Maybe it was the feeling of elation after finding out the person you loved felt the same way about you, or maybe it was the tenderness and warmth in the touches they shared. Whatever it was, Jihyo used it to push herself and said the words she somehow knew she'd eventually say from the moment she met the chemistry professor with bright blue hair.

"I love you, Jeongyeon-ah. I know I do."

Then there were giggles. The sound of their laughter was akin to children who finally found the best friend they know they'd spend their time growing up with.

"We're so sappy," Jihyo said, tears of joy and adoration staining her cheeks as she laid her head on Jeongyeon's lap.

"Told you we were saps," Jeongyeon replied, smiling back with tears of her own welling in her eyes.

\---------

The song switched and that's what triggered it. Jihyo's favorite song was playing.

_ Wind flower. Wi-wind flower. _

_ Our intertwined, yet separate love storyline _

It was such a sad song. She wondered how they danced to it so sweetly when the lyrics were so heartbreaking.

She was tempted to throw her now empty gin bottle across the room and towards the wall she had been staring at for nearly an hour now. Of course, she had the sense not to, as her landlady wouldn't let her hear the end of it. 

She settled instead with bumping her head on the wall a few times, hoping the pain in her head would make the much more severe pain in her chest go away.

Suddenly, she stood up, with the urge to do something. She didn't know what, but she just wanted to do  _ something, anything _ . 

She walked towards her room in wobbly strides, obviously more than tipsy, but still wallowing in the feeling of pain which she thinks she only ever feels when sober. With a small struggle, she opened the door to her room and nearly fell face-first on the carpeted floor. Jihyo stumbled and started opening her cabinets and drawers. It was only when she reached a certain closet that she realized what she was doing.

In her drunk state, she still had the sense to gently open the closet doors. When she opened it, an overwhelming scent filled her senses and tears started falling down her cheeks at an accelerated rate.

It was  _ her _ scent. These were  _ her  _ clothes.

It was the day before Jihyo's birthday. Jeongyeon had a trip scheduled due to a conference on her actual birthday so she decided to take her out beforehand.

It was a blur, really. Jihyo had just arrived from school, getting ready for another fancy dinner date with Jeongyeon in her own home. This time, Jihyo also prepared ramyeon, to go along with the bibimbap Jeongyeon said she was going to prepare. Jihyo also got rice wine, curtesy of one of her students, Somi. 

She was in her bedroom looking for something to wear. That was when she noticed a bag of clothes - Jeongyeon's clothes. Jihyo vaguely remembers setting aside all of the clothes Jeongyeon has forgotten to bring back home with her. She wasn't surprised, seeing as they basically lived together. It was then she decided to empty out one of her closets and set aside Jeongyeon's clothes in there. When she was finished, she started fixing herself up.

When she finished, she decided to simply watch whatever Netflix show she was currently following until Jeongyeon arrived. It was now a game of waiting. 

And waiting. 

And waiting.

Then a phone call, a hospital trip, a wake, a funeral, and then more waiting.

She didn't celebrate her birthday. She took a leave. 14 days. Universities don't usually allow leaves that long unless you're on study leaves. Nobody opposed it anyway. 

14 days to pick yourself up and piece yourself back together. How hard can it be? 

_ Undescribably difficult. _

It wasn't until Nayeon busted her door and took Jihyo out. She took her to a club to force Jihyo to stop moping and start living again. That was when she developed her habit of drinking. It was so bad the first few weeks, with Jihyo sometimes coming in late to work, a bottle of wine in hand, until the rest of their friend group decided to knock some sense into her, and eventually she started to get better.

_ Get better day by day, get better day by day _

There were days when she had it particularly bad, but she swears she really is getting better. And she is. 

But days like this are when she feels like drowning. When she holds onto Jeongyeon's clothes, collapsing to the floor, inhales her scent, mixed with a waft of alcohol and sweat. It was a mess. 

Jihyo continues to sob into Jeongyeon's shirt, holding it tightly she fears she might actually tear the fabric, tugging at it, as if pulling at the right spot might magically bring Jeongyeon back to her.

Jihyo was tired now. She just wanted to sleep. Her speaker died a few minutes ago. Her cheeks were dry, despite her still sniffling into the fabric that once belonged to her lover. She attempted to get to the bed but fell onto the floor right next to it instead. 

She didn't even flinch once her body came in contact with the carpeted floor. She had her face towards the darkness cast by the bed, and somehow she felt comfort. She thought it was nice to envision that darkness as the darkness in her chest that was swallowing her heart whole.

Jihyo then saw a lump of cloth she never really noticed. She always thought it was a canvas shoebag she didn't bother putting away. However, there was something about it that made her reach out.

She pulled the bag out from under the bed, making little effort to dust off the lint and other particles clinging to the fabric. She held the body of the bag, feeling something flat and wide. 

She opened the canvas bag and saw what looked like a casing for a vinyl. It was offwhite and looked as if there were writings on it. She pulled it out, the writings becoming clearer to her now. It was her name, written in a font she could only recognize as Jeongyeon's. 

Written just below her name was a few more scribbles. 

" _ Happy Birthday Jihyo-yah!!! I hope you like it. It's both of our favorite songs. Play it on that ancient record player you have displayed in your living room. I won't be here to celebrate your birthday tomorrow and dance with you like we always do, but I hope this will help you. Just imagine me there with you. I'm never truly away from your side. I love you, my wind flower. _

_ -Jeongyeonie" _

Jihyo rubbed her eyes, sobering slightly from what she just read. So many emotions were flying across her head, but one thing was clear, she had to play it.

Carefully, she treaded out from her bedroom and into the living room with Jeongyeon's shirt and vinyl in hand, cautious as not to move anything else she had already in her fit of grief.

Once at the record player, she took out the vinyl from its casing, and with the utmost care, lay it on the record, positioning the needle at the very end, and turning the vinyl player on.

Slow garbled noises first filled the room before she heard the first few notes of the song she heard just an hour ago.

This time, she wasn't tempted to go on a rampage and throw bottles at her apartment walls. She was simply staring at the player as sounds emitted from it.

A few more seconds passed before she moved to a spot where there was little clutter on the floor. She then spread out Jeongyeon's t-shirt, now crumpled from her tugging and pulling, folding it with care before holding it close to her chest, hugging it. She started to sway to the music a little, very slowly.

_ "I miss you, Jeongyeonie,"  _ she whispered, hoping that wherever Jeongyeon was right now, she'd hear her. And just like that, it was as if she could feel Jeongyeon's touch, holding her close, with a soft kiss on her forehead, and hear her whisper,  _ "Happy birthday, Jihyoling." _

_ Get better day by day. _

**Author's Note:**

> Twitter: famceelmao  
> Tumblr: stalkstilshedrops


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